What do you do when you literally have no enery to smile anymore?
I don't know what to do, lately I just have been feeling so down and I just can't seem to bring myself back up. I feel like I am going to burst into tears at any point during the day, during the night..pretty much all the time. As you can guess the weight isn't budging, I physically feel sick when I look in the mirror. I bought fake tan yesterday and I couldn't even do that right, I have black hands and patchy legs.. had my hair cut yesterday too which I hate, there is too many short layers at the top and not enough near the bottom so it looks stupid and its too short .. why does everything have to go wrong at once.
Was meant to be going to a party tonight but ended up changing my mind, 1) because I look more of a state then usual after the fake tan ... 2) I look a fat cow in whatever I wear.. and 3) my ex wil be there with his perfect gf and then also guy that I like so because of 1 and 2 I would rather not like them seeing me. I asked 2 of my best friends that wern't going if they wanted to go cinema instead but nopes they are with their boyfriends, no shock there..so once again it's me on my own. I could be out getting drunk with my friends but I just don't think I could face it..I hate the idea of everyone looking at me...I get so paranoid thinking people are laughing and judging and mocking me, I wish I didn't but I always end up getting so upset thinking people are.
Ah well I am going to stop with the depressive rant........supposed to be going out tomorrow too for one of my girls birthdays..guess I can't get out of that one too..going to pizza express first which I am no way eating a lot .. I might just say I feel ill but I'll soon recover for the drinking as I think a very heavy night is needed.
Why can't I just be a normal happy girl with a normal happy life and a perect figure and a perfect boyfriend who would do anything for me...........ahh you've got to dream sometimes.
I don't know what to do, lately I just have been feeling so down and I just can't seem to bring myself back up. I feel like I am going to burst into tears at any point during the day, during the night..pretty much all the time. As you can guess the weight isn't budging, I physically feel sick when I look in the mirror. I bought fake tan yesterday and I couldn't even do that right, I have black hands and patchy legs.. had my hair cut yesterday too which I hate, there is too many short layers at the top and not enough near the bottom so it looks stupid and its too short .. why does everything have to go wrong at once.
Was meant to be going to a party tonight but ended up changing my mind, 1) because I look more of a state then usual after the fake tan ... 2) I look a fat cow in whatever I wear.. and 3) my ex wil be there with his perfect gf and then also guy that I like so because of 1 and 2 I would rather not like them seeing me. I asked 2 of my best friends that wern't going if they wanted to go cinema instead but nopes they are with their boyfriends, no shock there..so once again it's me on my own. I could be out getting drunk with my friends but I just don't think I could face it..I hate the idea of everyone looking at me...I get so paranoid thinking people are laughing and judging and mocking me, I wish I didn't but I always end up getting so upset thinking people are.
Ah well I am going to stop with the depressive rant........supposed to be going out tomorrow too for one of my girls birthdays..guess I can't get out of that one too..going to pizza express first which I am no way eating a lot .. I might just say I feel ill but I'll soon recover for the drinking as I think a very heavy night is needed.
Why can't I just be a normal happy girl with a normal happy life and a perect figure and a perfect boyfriend who would do anything for me...........ahh you've got to dream sometimes.
