I've been thinking lately and I don't actually know what it is with me, what is wrong with me.
I don't think I have an eating disorder.
I mean if someone was to give me a full dinner I would sit and eat it. Yes I would feel guilty afterwards and if I felt it was too much, if I had way too many calories and I was easily able to purge without people hearing then I would but that doesn't make me bulimic? Some may say I have bulimic tendencies but I can go a week or two without throwing up my insides..however sometimes purging becomes part of a daily routine..I don't know, it changes.
And yes I will happily fast. Fasting rewards us with the feeling of hunger and being able to beat it .. and I love feeling weak and dizzy .. and also beating it.
I'm also proud to say I'm pro-ana. Why do people say that is promoting a disease..nobody should have the right to say they someone shouldn't look how they want to look. So many people look disgusted and act disgusted when on the subject on an eating disorder .. who the hell are you to say it is wrong and they are too thin? I think thin in beautiful and have great respect for the willpower many have to achieve their dream.
I also yes religiously count calories, noting down what I've eaten but again that doesn't catergorize me as having an eating disorder.
All I really know is that thin is what I want to be, perfect is what I want to be and I will do whatever it takes to achieve that. Whether that be exercising daily, restricting or not eating at all..I will get there and nothing will stop me.
Thin is the goal, the destination. Thin is beautiful.
I want to see protuding, beautiful bones and I will get there even if it kills me.
I just don't want to be labelled for that because I don't see what is wrong with it.
Thin is beautiful.
Also I hope everyone has a lovely christmas, be strong. x x x