Friday, 29 January 2010

effy ♥

I was sooooo excited for the new Skins to come on yesterday but was pretty disappointed tbh and especially disappointed to only see Effy for like 5 seconds at the end! She is amazing..beyond gorgeous I love her so here is some snappps :)

And on a worse note I have gained 1.4 lb....fuckk...and I have a party to go to tomorrow..I was hoping to be 164 by tomorrow, not 1lb heavier. And I saw my not ex but a guy that completely fucked me about who couldn't ever make up his mind earlier .. I thought I was over him but my reaction when I saw him obviously shows maybe I am not..I just wanted to go over and hit his smirkingg stupid face..I just went over all angry and emotional..prick to say the least.

Thursday, 28 January 2010


165! So since starting this blog I have finally lost 10lbs .. first of many. And I got to thank all of you gorgeous people for all the encouragement. The last couple of days I seemed to have been jumping up and down on the scales, it couldn't seem to make its mind up but now finally a whole number. I need to start leaving it a few days or maybe a week before i weigh myself but I am finding that I have some sort of OCD with quickly jumping on the scales whenever I can..that needs to stop.

Me and my girls booked our summer holiday to tenerife yesterday so I really need to start losing big time .. I am not going to be the fat one in the bikini .. I will not be. Also another group of friends are talking about going away so I think I will be going away twice..I just keep imagining the tan and cannot wait .. Ive always been one of the lucky ones that tan easily so two holidays should be great, just need to shift a lot more pounds first. I want to be able to have a gorgeous new wardrobe with clothes I actually look good in..fingers tightly crossed.

Anyway I'm off to the gym in about an hour so I shall love you and leave you.


Monday, 25 January 2010


So I found this link one another girls blog and found it really good.

Its an ideal body weight calucator and well here is my results for my height 5ft 10.

Obesity - above 246lbs

Overweight - 176 - 246lbs (its disgusting thinking a few months ago I was just under being classed as over weight.)

Ideal weight (longest life) - 158 - 176lbs

Ideal weight - 129 - 158

Underweight (anorexia) - 112 - 129

Serious anorexia - below 112

So right now I am in the longest life catergory .. ideal weight? I don't think so.

Yesterday all I had was a slimming world cottage pie (I am quite lucky to have a mum who adores the slimming world cook book) which was around 350 cals and an apple 50 cals.

Today I havn't had anything all day but I am getting my mum to make me slimming world chips, carrots and peas..random I know but if I just asked for peas and carrots I think she wouldn't be too obliged.

Also havn't stopped moving today, I keep running back and fourth across my landing and doing step-ups on the stairs. I am so adamant not to ever see the number 170 or above on my scales again so now I have broke through my plateau I am only going to be going down which means no sitting down, lying down relaxing for long periods, I don't deserve to do that.

As I am going to london tomorrow with my sister and grandad I am going to go to the gym afterwards instead of today as I will be down nearer my gym..strangly excited!

thin is beautiful ♥ x

Saturday, 23 January 2010

as ifff.

....I just went to weigh myself before bed and it says 165.6?!!!

I stepped off then on to it about 5 times just to make sure it wasn't just being gay..going to bed a happy girl now. Maybe all my clothes n that yesterday weighed more than I thought. It is like when you lose even the tinyest amount it makes you more and more determined to do it because you can see that maybe you actually can.

Ahhhh :) Sorry about 2 posts in the space of a few hours..your probably thinking just be quiet!

Anyway night all ♥


so tell me what it is that's stopping you now.

The first thing I did when I got through the door was get straight on the scales...167.2...not as much I would have hoped to have lost, I was just under 170 when I left 3 weeks only a few pounds but I was wearing my clothes and a big hoody but I don't care..a loss is a loss whether its 1 or 10 pounds.

My mum though as soon as she saw me was like 'ah you have really lost weight' it felt good to hear her say that but I was so stressed because I was getting ready to go out and just nothing I tried on looked good on me so I sort of just flipped out at her which I know I shouldn't have. But then my stepmum today said the same thing that I had lost weight, I don't think you can see any difference so they are probably just being nice. But it is nice to hear even if they are lying. I couldn't believe it when I went to see my little brother and sister today, how much they seem to have grown! I have only been gone 3 weeks but they looked so different, I struggled to pick them both up which has never happened before. I know they are 8 and 9 now but I still see them as my little babies and can't get over how grown up they look and to be honest I don't like's made me think that I don't ever want to go away again and miss seeing them growing up.

I went out last night with my girls and it felt good to be back seeing my friends, we had a real good laugh until I saw my ex out with his girlfriend. His skinny girlfriend. It kicks me in the stomach everytime. But one day I will be like that, I will be worthy of a boyfriend, maybe him. I still think about him all the time despite all the shit he has done. When I got in I was obviously so drunk and threw up until I started bringing up the stomach acid, I was already beginning to feel the shitty hangover feel but was happy that I had just thrown up all that alcohol without even forcing myself too.

I feel more determined than ever to do this, become a new me, a skinny new me..drinking more and more water again, I stopped for a while not drinking as much and went back to orange squash but now its back to water. For dinner my mum made slimming world burgers and slimming world chips and salad but I said I felt ill and hungover which was true so I had a small burger and not many chips and even still all I ate was the burger, salad and about 6 or 7 seven chips..thats all for tonight.

Can't stop listening to JLS's new song, One Shot..had it on replay on itunes for like the last hour, I love it.

Going to go to the gym monday, excited to be going..havn't been in so long, it's just annoying I live like half hour away from my gym and now I have quit college I'm not going to be in that area much so may have to think about joining one near me.

Thanks to all you girls for following and supporting me, your comments are really appreciated, your all amazing. And we will win this battle.

x x x

Monday, 18 January 2010

It feels so weird..I havn't gone this long in ages without stepping on the scales...I am just praying that the numbers will be lower than when I left. Some days I feel I think I may have lost weight and other days I think 'lost weight?' 'yeahhh right fatty.' Stupid Stupid voices in my head, I wish they would just leave me alone ,, always putting me down, making me feel so unwanted and useless.

It was 2 years ago yesterday my dad died. 2 years ago since my life came crashing down and even now this far on I am still trying to pick myself back up. I still struggle with the thought of never seeing him again..and it kills me, I think about him and I get a sharp stabbing pain in my stomach, I feel sick. I tried not to think about it yesterday and just carry on with daily things but I avoided food, I just wasn't in the mood to hear those voices insult me and make me that bit more upset but then the family I am staying with knew what day it was and had bought me a big bar of dairy milk...if only they knew. And what did I do laying in bed at night? Open the wrapper and shovel the chocolate down my throat...full on binge. I know, I am a great big disappointment.

Anyway I am back home on Friday, judgement day on the scales. I am gonna be so happy to get back to my bed and be able to sleep through the night without being woke up by babies but then I'm back to my life, my reality..thats a not such a good thing.

Kisses to everyonee xxx

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

think thin

hii guys..sorry i havnt posted in a while but ive still been having a quick read of others at night on my phonee.

well since i last posted i have quit college...i just wasn't enjoying it anymore and joined an au pair website....and have joined a family for short term in london to look after twins boys..1 n half yrs...they are adorable but it has proved to be hard work with twins! very hard work! im here till the 21st januaryyy so still a while to go, hopefully i'll survive.

a good thing about being here though is that i feel rude going in their frigde and cupboards and eating their food so all i have been eating so far is the dinner they cook in the evening..and running around after the kids and up and down the stairs when trying to get them to go sleep is totally wearing me out so another good point getting exercise. when i'm at home i literally don't get up till about 2pm which is bad when I think im not burning any calories just getting fatter by the second but here i am having to get up around half 6............when i left on tuesday i was 169.9 and there are no scales here so i will have to wait till i am home..fingers crossed it will be a lot lower in 2 weeks!!!

hope evryone is staying strong.

think thin guys xxx