long time still fat

hiii everybody, well it has been a while! I got back from holiday last week, so just been trying to get back in the swing of reality and isn't it horrible. Truth be told reality sucks, especially after 2 weeks in the sun...id much rather live in my dreams or even better create my own life..choose things I want by just ticking boxes..

❒ Fat
✔ Skinny
❒ Ugly
✔ Pretty

Yes please?

I actually thought I may lose whilst I was on holiday, I mean all I used to eat was dinner in the evening, maybe a slice of toast evry now and again...and I would swim laps everyday, and surely when you sunbath and sweat alot that helps? Obviously not. Once a fatty always a fatty. I came home 2lbs heavier than I was when I left. It should make you determined to lose it but when I have a sense of failure it just seems to make me fail that little bit more..and more. And I actually collapsed on holiday, I bloody hurt my head but I loved it, it was probably more the fact I had too much sun along with not enough food and water but I had a sense of emptyness and lightheadedness and felt good. I was sunbathing and I stood up to walk inside the villa and just as I was gettin to the door I started to black out, I thought I will try make it to the bench next to the door but couldn't so just stood there whilst it faded out but then all of a sudden I could just feel myself falling backwards and could just hear my sister in the background like 'what are you doing?' and then all I felt was the thump on the back of my head where I had fell back against the wall and then the blackout went and there I am sitting on the floor and my sister is just in hysterics. I had an egg on the back of my head for a good week!

Anyway here are a few photos of the view from the villas, it is lovely. And then also a couple of fatty pictures for you..my huge thighs and beastly belly..but my tan was sort of looking good! Look at those pictures and realise you don't want to look like that!

Hope you are all well xx