It feels so weird..I havn't gone this long in ages without stepping on the scales...I am just praying that the numbers will be lower than when I left. Some days I feel I think I may have lost weight and other days I think 'lost weight?' 'yeahhh right fatty.' Stupid Stupid voices in my head, I wish they would just leave me alone ,, always putting me down, making me feel so unwanted and useless.It was 2 years ago yesterday my dad died. 2 years ago since my life came crashing down and even now this far on I am still trying to pick myself back up. I still struggle with the thought of never seeing him again..and it kills me, I think about him and I get a sharp stabbing pain in my stomach, I feel sick. I tried not to think about it yesterday and just carry on with daily things but I avoided food, I just wasn't in the mood to hear those voices insult me and make me that bit more upset but then the family I am staying with knew what day it was and had bought me a big bar of dairy milk...if only they knew. And what did I do laying in bed at night? Open the wrapper and shovel the chocolate down my throat...full on binge. I know, I am a great big disappointment.
Anyway I am back home on Friday, judgement day on the scales. I am gonna be so happy to get back to my bed and be able to sleep through the night without being woke up by babies but then I'm back to my life, my reality..thats a not such a good thing.
Kisses to everyonee xxx
hey
ReplyDeletei am so sorry about your dad. I hope you are doing well considering...
I hate when i cant weigh myself. i go into full panic mode because i think i have gained a bunch of weight.
I really hope the scales shows good numbers on fryday.
hugs*
I'm sorry about your dad.... *hugs* i wouldn't be able to live without mine :(
ReplyDeleteI can't weight myself right now either :( I need a scale
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your dad, I hope you're ok and feeling better. Will be thinking of you. Don't worry about the chocolate, you could have done a lot worse! You'll be ok. try to stay posotive, I know it's hard.
~Creative
xxxx
I lost my dad almost 4 months ago.
ReplyDeleteI'm dreading Sunday (4 months), because not only do I go into complete depression on each 25th and have nobody to talk to, Sunday's also a day when I find it hard not to eat, as my mother's around constantly.
I think I could somehow relate to you, and this gives me comfort.
I'm following your blog, in hope that you'll be able to bring me through binges, and help me with my own journey.
Thanks.
Stay strong sweetheart, we're on our way. :)
x
I too lost my dad two years ago due to Brain Cancer. It feels like yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI now cannot cry. I get that stabbing feeling on my stomach too, it feel like I am about to cry, but then I don't. It is just misery. Ever since my family hasn't been the same.
I haven't been the same. I guess when some one that important to you dies, you can never be the same again. You can never go back to the old ways, cause they were such a big part of your like, that it will just feel like a huge hole.
Some nights I just stay up all night thinking why this has happened. Why we had to loose him, our like was perfect with him. Soon after he died, my mother became a serious alcoholic and has not stopped. My brother tried to stop his drug use, and could not.
And me? I started making myself puke, I don't think it is actually because of him. But I had it as a comfort.
Stay strong through this all. you might not be the same old person you were before, but you will defiantly be a new one, with more experience than others.
<3