so tell me what it is that's stopping you now.

The first thing I did when I got through the door was get straight on the scales...167.2...not as much I would have hoped to have lost, I was just under 170 when I left 3 weeks ago..so only a few pounds but I was wearing my clothes and a big hoody but I don't care..a loss is a loss whether its 1 or 10 pounds.

My mum though as soon as she saw me was like 'ah you have really lost weight' it felt good to hear her say that but I was so stressed because I was getting ready to go out and just nothing I tried on looked good on me so I sort of just flipped out at her which I know I shouldn't have. But then my stepmum today said the same thing that I had lost weight, I don't think you can see any difference so they are probably just being nice. But it is nice to hear even if they are lying. I couldn't believe it when I went to see my little brother and sister today, how much they seem to have grown! I have only been gone 3 weeks but they looked so different, I struggled to pick them both up which has never happened before. I know they are 8 and 9 now but I still see them as my little babies and can't get over how grown up they look and to be honest I don't like it....it's made me think that I don't ever want to go away again and miss seeing them growing up.

I went out last night with my girls and it felt good to be back seeing my friends, we had a real good laugh until I saw my ex out with his girlfriend. His skinny girlfriend. It kicks me in the stomach everytime. But one day I will be like that, I will be worthy of a boyfriend, maybe him. I still think about him all the time despite all the shit he has done. When I got in I was obviously so drunk and threw up until I started bringing up the stomach acid, I was already beginning to feel the shitty hangover feel but was happy that I had just thrown up all that alcohol without even forcing myself too.

I feel more determined than ever to do this, become a new me, a skinny new me..drinking more and more water again, I stopped for a while not drinking as much and went back to orange squash but now its back to water. For dinner my mum made slimming world burgers and slimming world chips and salad but I said I felt ill and hungover which was true so I had a small burger and not many chips and even still all I ate was the burger, salad and about 6 or 7 seven chips..thats all for tonight.

Can't stop listening to JLS's new song, One Shot..had it on replay on itunes for like the last hour, I love it.

Going to go to the gym monday, excited to be going..havn't been in so long, it's just annoying I live like half hour away from my gym and now I have quit college I'm not going to be in that area much so may have to think about joining one near me.

Thanks to all you girls for following and supporting me, your comments are really appreciated, your all amazing. And we will win this battle.

x x x